


My Strange Addiction

by ackermansheart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Universe, Dad eren, F/M, Fluff, Mild Smut, One Shot Collection, Smut, momma mikasa, parent eremika
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 15:20:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19022596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackermansheart/pseuds/ackermansheart
Summary: A collection of unconnected one-shots and drabbles that take Mikasa and Eren through various universes and stories.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So honestly, I need a place to dump all my one-shots and asks that I get sent and write for people. If you don't already, you can follow me on Tumblr @ackermansheart to find more of my stories and shiz that I might not post on here.  
> ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
> ORIGINAL ASK:  
> anonymous:  
> ' i dont have an exact prompt but, maybe something post chp 112 with eremika interaction? bonus points if angst '

“Here, you need to make sure you’re applying pressure—“

Tenderly, Mikasa removes the gauze from around his eye and replaces it with a cold compress. Armin gives a grateful sort of sound, a mix between a grunt and sigh, before nodding silently. “— if you don’t, you’re going to have some swelling and pain.”

In reality, Mikasa knew that he would be okay. He had Titan blood, now, and his body would begin to heal itself soon enough. Still, though —  _still_ ; tending to Armin was a good kind of distraction.  _How selfish_ , she thinks, to think that his pain could be any less than her own simply because he was a Titan. His skin was still bruised, purpled, and now swollen in some places that should have never been touched. Not like that—  _not by him._

It had happened faster than she could react to; the string that tethered them all together begins to unravel. 

Again, she blames herself for not being able to stop it. For not being able to swallow her pride and forget for  _one second_. But there was a part of her— and she didn’t know how dominant that part may be— that knew that she couldn’t stop it no matter.

“Hey—“ The voice that interrupts is soft, shaky, but tentative. “It isn’t your fault.” She blinks her response, a deadpanned silence falling over them as she diverts her gaze. Mikasa choses, then, to focus on wiping the dried blood from the frame of his face as he speaks in soft whispers. “None of it is your fault.  _He_ —“ And for a moment, Armin stays silent after. His throat bobs and his brows furrow inquisitively as if he’s thinking of the right things to say. And perhaps he is— perhaps nobody knows the right thing to say in a moment like this.

_Was there even anything to say?_

“He’s… _ **lost**_.” She knows he’s avoiding using his name, even just the thought of it bringing fresh tears to the surface, but ones that would never spill.  _Not now_ — not in front of Armin. And for a moment she wonders if she may even shed any at all because in the voided space that is the lingering pain of freshly licked wounds of his words, there was anger. Pure, raging,  _stifling_  anger. It engulfed her,  _surrounded her_ — was suffocating to the point she’d gasp for breath if she could. It felt like she was begging for her own life that was never really even her own. Like she was stuck in an endless loop of unrequited and undefined certainties. 

And within the silence that follows, she wasn’t sure why she’d ever expected any answers.

 _“Lost…”_  Mikasa tastes the word on her tongue for a moment, letting it roll off the end with uncertainty.  _Lost_  —what a complex and almost unforgiving kind of word. Being lost could mean so many things, but she hadn’t expected one of them to be a traitor. “If that’s what you want to call it,” she whispers, and she curses when the crack in her voice becomes prominent. 

“Whatever it is, I just want him home.”

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Everything in this building was tall. The walls, the ceilings— the windows; they were floor to ceiling iridescent sort of mirrors for the sun to shine through. But even with all the light, the room and all the space in between, Mikasa felt small. 

Her throat would constrict but no tears would spill. Instead, she juts out her chin and continues on— just like always.

She didn’t mean to end up here— getting lost in the vast mazes of halls that filled each and every corridor was not on the itinerary for the day—but she figured it didn’t even matter because for the first time in a long time she wasn’t afraid of the consequences of breaking the rules.

She _was_ afraid, however, of the figure she almost stumbles upon. At first, she isn’t sure he’s the same person as before. He’s calm, almost relaxed as she watches his eyes trace the skyline before them. He sits perched atop one of the ledges built into the window, eyes glassy, almost devoid of anything other than that which reflects back from the outside. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he appeared almost…  _sad._

“Are you just going to stand there and stare like always, or do you have something to say?”

For a moment, his words don’t register. They sting and pierce her skin but they don’t  _register_. It isn’t until he’s speaking for a second time with words seemingly dripping passed vile tinted lips, that she hears him.

_“Mikasa?”  
_

Her head shoots up, then, her eyes wanting to land anywhere but upon the voice that calls for her name. But she can’t help the drawl that she seems to feel when it comes to him and her eyes drift despite it. But, when they mend with his own she doesn’t see  _Eren_. She doesn’t see anyone at all. She just sees the shell of what she once thought could have held her heart. And to that — that shell —  _she had nothing to say._

“No—  _nothing_. I didn’t mean to come here.”

Something that sounds like a scoff slips passed his teeth and she winces, watching his eyes roll once before landing upon her own. His gaze was searing, almost burning as he held contact. It was as if he was trying to study her— and perhaps he was.

“Naturally. You always did have a knack for finding me.”  _Another sting— another burn._  “It’s like you’re on autopilot and your only instinct is to follow me.” T _here it is again, the flames licking at her flesh_. “You never were okay on your own.”

At that, even her breathing almost stops. It was like no matter what, each and every word or phrase wasn’t digging deep enough— like he hadn’t sunk his claws six feet deep.

“Tell me,  _Mikasa_ —” he begins, voice dripping in liquid gold, “— what it’s like to be afraid of yourself.”


	2. X

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All shots that are explicit/smut will have an X next to the chapter title so when there's a bunch of shots in here, you don't have to search through them all to find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally supposed to be a shot request from someone on Tumblr, but I ended up changing its course and now it's something totally different than what I had intended. I also had to cap this bad boy out at 7k or else it would have bene too long. I worked my ass off on this for about a month so all this hair pulling has hopefully been worth the wait.
> 
> Another thanks to my dear friends who sit through endless garbage drafts before getting to read the whole thing completely finished. You all keep me going!

* * *

 

“Hook, line, and sinker! Yes!” Eren proclaims, his eyes following the small ping pong ball across the table and into the last standing red solo cup. One of his hands flies into the air out of excitement, the other turning and pulling his partner into his side with a triumphant smile of pride. He spins her once in one arm, unsteady and wobbly on his feet after that last chug of beer. “There she is!"

When he places her back down, Mikasa is gazing back up with that same lingering haze in her eyes but a grin painting her lips as she places one of her hands against his chest to sturdy them both as they sway. By their third round winning they both had struggled to line up their last shots, the Corona’s from earlier finally hitting his stomach. Eren releases her with a squeeze, smacking down on the top of the table twice with his palm to signal the end of the game. “Good game,” he smirks, and can’t contain the smile that he feels clawing at his cheeks at the look on their friends faces. 

Across from them, Sasha glares, her arms crossing against her chest and her chin going to jut out into the air in a poignant display of disappointment. She huffs a puff of air and her bangs swish messily against her face and Eren scoffs, leaning against the table to listen when she opens her mouth to argue. “Ugh, I thought I totally had that!” she yells, arms flinging to her sides with an eye roll. Beside him, Mikasa is half hiding behind him and he can tell she’s fighting off a matching smirk. 

“That was totally unfair, you always get Mikasa!” Connie follows. “Of course she’s going to win it!” That was probably the wrong thing to say, because now Sasha was blanching at Connie about how ‘ _ she’s just as good of a shot _ ,  _ and she would have had it if it weren’t for him being the terrible ‘no good no shot’ partner’ _ . 

Eventually through the night the party starts to break up and all of their friends start to leave to find their designated drivers. Connie practically drags Sasha out, insisting that he drive her home because he’d had less to drink and also didn’t feel like dealing with her terrible driving. Jean left a while ago with Historia, he thinks? _ He makes a mental note to give him shit for that later. _

And by the time things finally start to finish winding down and almost everyone is gone, Eren slides his thumb across the screen of his phone to wipe at the glare, his eyes focusing on the big 1:32am at the top of the screen. His parents were out of town or else his mom would have already beaten his ass for keeping people over this late on a weeknight. But, it was a week away from being summer break anyway, and he wanted to get a head start on their last summer together before everyone moves away for college. Everyone was going somewhere else; things would be different soon.

“Hey, Eren.” He’s startled, bristling at the voice that breaks the silence from the outside. The crickets jumping the grass were even silent tonight right now, one or two chirps here and there but barely above the sound of the pool waves lapping at the edges in the distance. And when he looks up from his phone screen, his eyes taking a second to adjust to the prominent darkness of the early morning hours, he sees it’s Armin. 

“Oh, hey,” Eren starts slowly, a brow raised in question. “You’re still here? Is everyone else gone?” He takes a second to glance around, the lights from the outside of the house lighting up the backyard enough for him to see that it was just them left there. “Did uh— did Mikasa leave?”

Now it was Armin’s turn to raise his brow at him, which led them both to mirroring each other’s expressions. “What?” 

Eren can tell that Armin is holding back a smile, but he doesn’t show it. Just barely a crack, but it’s there. So is that same look in his eyes that’s been there for a while now. “Nothing,” Armin pauses with a slight smile and brings a hand to scratch at his nose. “I was gonna see if I could just stay here tonight and get a ride to school tomorrow?” Truthfully, Eren didn’t expect to make it to school that morning, but he sighs nonetheless, pinching the bridge of his nose before giving a soft nod yes. 

“Yeah, sure dude. Just crash on my couch.” Short, sweet. He waves his arm towards the back door. “You know where everything is. Just make yourself comfortable,” he finishes, giving him a wave when Armin starts to back towards the house. “I’ll be inside in a minute.” 

Eren watches Armin disappear into his house and waits for the click of the lock to seal before he turns to head towards the pool house. He curses himself when he can’t stop from yawning, reaching for the handle and twisting it open. When he steps through he uses his hands to feel out the darkness, reaching for the little glowing light that signals the pool pumps are turned on. He flicks it off quickly and the light disappears and he’s once again plunged into darkness.

_ Click _ .

He whips around, the sound of the lock of the door clicking within the slats. Eren’s eyes search the dark, his head whipping one direction— then another— before he hears the rustling of plastic floaties against concrete.

“I’m right here.”

Eren stalls, his body freezing when he hears her voice. “Mikasa?” He whispers, eyes squinting while his vision adjusts. There’s more rustling sounds and then finally she steps out into a faded line of light that shines in through a small glass window behind him. It shadows half of her body but her face is lit up and he watches from his spot with a careful eye as she takes another cautious step. She’s close enough now that he can smell her shampoo mixed with the pool water, and the little white dress she’d had on earlier covers her previously donned swimsuit. “What are you still doing here? I thought you left…” his voice trails off when he catches her eye, the look inside of them swimming with something familiar, yet different all the same. “...with the others?”

They stand there in silence for a few moments until you could finally hear the crickets picking up where they’d left off. He searches Mikasa’s face and wonders what’s changed between the party outside and now; she was seemingly normal earlier, but now she seems like she might have something on her mind. Even in the dim moonlight he can see the subtle changes in the flush of her cheeks and the imperceptible flare of her nostrils that he knows is the first sign of her nerves.

“I didn’t know if you’d be alone or not,” she starts slow, a hushed kind of voice, and moves to take one more step closer. “But you are now, right?” She asks, but doesn’t wait long enough for him to form a proper response in his head. He just stares back blankly, and she must notice how he must look as lost as he seems because she’s swallowing thickly, then, and lets her gaze drop to the floor before flicking back up to his own once again.

“We’re alone?”

_ Oh _ , he thinks, and he gives her a cautious look. “Armin’s inside— he’s staying over since it’s late,” he starts, but there’s no shift in her expression. “He’s just crashing on the couch though, so we’re out here alone, why?” His words dangle in the air followed by that same quiet as before, but it doesn’t last as long this time.

“I just… wanted to apologize. For avoiding you recently.” Her voice is small compared to her words and her foot kicks and something that’s not there. It takes several seconds before her eyes flit back to his own. “I didn’t want you to think I was upset or anything.”

He blinks. “Oh, I... didn’t even think about it, honestly. I didn’t think anything was wrong,” he pauses and watches closely to see if he’s saying the wrong things or not. “I thought things were fine.”

At that, she lets out a sigh of almost frustration, her eyes squeezing shut before they’re back open again. “Things  _ are _ fine. I just…” but she stops as if she’s not ready to complete the thought. He almost thinks she’s not going to continue at all with how many times she opens and closes her mouth, but after a few seconds, she actually speaks. “Can we just... go outside for a minute?” She pauses, and he thinks he watches her struggle with something going on inside her head. And whatever it was must win because instead of saying anything more she turns away from him, only checking over her shoulder once to check and see if he was going to follow her.

And he was (as if he’d had much of an option), of course, through the door and out into the balmy summer air. It’s less stuffy outside but still just as hot, the late June air making his skin sticky and damp, and he has to run a hand through his hair to keep the still wet tendrils from sticking to his face. And, embarrassingly enough, he must not have been paying attention while they were walking along because he’s slammed into the back of her, jostling her forward a bit but he catches her securely around the waist before she has a chance to tumble into the pool.

“Woah— _! _ ” comes out in a huff when his fingers dig into her hips, the fabric of her dress bunching up at his fingertips to keep them both steady on their feet. They’re not wasted, but they’re not quite sober either, he doesn’t think. He’s definitely clear minded enough but his body language and the way he moves around might say otherwise. That’s how he’s found himself now with her body pulled tightly against his own, Mikasa’s palms both flattened against his chest with widened charcoal greys staring back in an almost sort of shock. 

“ _ Sorry _ ,” he chokes, and he releases her from his tightened grip. Her hands still linger a second longer before dropping to her sides and going to wrap around herself. Her eyes don’t meet his own but linger at the pool and he follows her eyeline to watch the way the water laps a bit over the edge at their feet. And, if she’d been shaking before then he hadn’t noticed, because he can see the way she fights off the shakes now. 

“Are you cold?” Her hair was still wet from the pool earlier and he could feel and see the way her dress clings to the wetness of her swimsuit beneath. With the hot air but cold wind— _? Yeah, she was probably freezing _ . All it takes is for her to start shaking her head that he makes a move to do anything. “Do you want me to take you home? Are—” he cuts himself off, his tongue like lead as he tries to think of the right things to say. She wasn’t in any position to drive herself and honestly, he’s not in any condition to drive, either. 

“It’s really late. Do you just want to stay here?” he decides is a safe way to put it. It’s not like her mother was going to care— Mikasa has stayed over at his house over a hundred times since they’ve known each other.  _ Why would this time be anymore different? _

He guesses that she’s thinking the same thing because she nods her head and finally lifts her face to look at him. Her eyes are smoldering, dark, almost _ shiny _ against the glint of the moon hanging low above them. He reaches out haphazardly, then, spotting a string of hair that he moves to push from her cheek and bristles when he feels how hot her skin is as opposed to how much her body is shaking. He does his best not to make it obvious that he knows she’s not saying something, and pulls his hand away.  For some reason, he just stands there and doesn’t know what to do. If they go inside right now, there’s a chance Armin is still awake and will see him trying to sneak her into his room.

“Come on, let’s just go inside.” He doesn’t give her the time to respond, deciding he’s gonna go for it anyway. _ Fuck it, right? Who cares? _ If anything, he can blame it on the fact that it’s 2am now and how neither of them should be driving. So he grabs for her wrist, raises a finger to his lips and signals that they’re gonna have to be quiet sneaking inside. Mikasa eyes him carefully but doesn't saying anything in response.

Eren’s fingers wrap carefully around the handle of the back door and he slides it open, the sound of it only creating a small  _ whooshing  _ sound. He quickly pulls Mikasa inside and watches as her last foot is in through the door before sliding it back into place. He winces at the sound of the lock clicking but shakes it off, taking her wrist again between his fingers once more in order to guide her through the dark house.

When they get to the steps he tells her to wait there and peeks around the corner. Armin is fast asleep on the couch, back towards them, so he thinks it’s safe. Eren waves her to follow him quietly, pushing her in front of him and up the steps as they walk so that he can keep an eye on Armin’s form until he’s completely out of sight. And, he can’t take a complete breath until they’ve made it down the hall and into his room. 

Mikasa stands a few feet from the doorway inside the threshold, her back towards him as he tries to let the door silently click shut. And finally, when it’s quiet and there’s nobody else around to worry about, he lets his back hit the door and his head fall against it for a moment in order to catch his first breath in what felt like way too long.  _ Fuck _ , it’s been a while since he’s had to sneak in like that. But they’re there now, and when he pushes from where he was standing he makes a move to walk around Mikasa, kicking away the packed and unpacked boxes at her feet and squats down at the mess. He shakes his head too because it’s a wreck in there, there’s clothes all over his bed  _ and— _

“ _ Eren _ .” There’s a warm touch on his shoulder that startles him, cool fingertips making little divots in his shoulder blade. 

“Can we just… lie down?” Her voice is tight and her eyes waver from his to the bed and he doesn’t know why this sudden change in demeanor makes his throat go numb. “You don’t have to clean up for me. I just want to lay down.” She’s speaking more softly now, her eyes searching his own as if weighing all her options. 

“It’s okay if I sleep with you tonight?”

Even if he knows what she means, the mere implication brings him back to the last time they found themselves in bed together, and for a second he contemplates whether or not it’s a bad idea. But tonight, just like any other night, he has a hard time thinking about telling her no. He knows when to not ask questions; someone once told him he owed her that kind of patience. He was going to be moving halfway across the country soon— it was safe to say that she probably shared in the discomfort of knowing they won’t be seeing each other for…  _ who knows _ . And that feeling he understands all too well, the thought creeping into his mind anytime he allowed it to linger for too long, and he realizes that maybe he shouldn’t have been upset with her the last time they talked about it.

So he nods, and he reaches to pull her closer by her wrist when he stands. “Come ‘ere,” he starts, and he shoves the clothes atop the bed onto the floor where they scatter, and then flicks on the lamp on his bedside table. He squints at the sudden illumination but blinks the stars away as he shifts to move around her and to the dresser, where he pulls out one of his tee-shirts and a fresh dry pair of pants for her. “Here, you’re still soaked,” he begins, handing her the shirt and sweats and she gingerly takes them from his grasp without asking questions. “I’m gonna go change. You should too— _ here. _ ” He flashes a small smile that she actually mirrors, even if it’s weak.

“I’ll be back.” Eren pads across the hardwood and disappears into the connecting bathroom and waits until the door is completely closed before letting out a sigh of relief.  _ Why does he feel so weird? _ His heart hasn’t stopped thudding and it’s broiling frustration in his belly. It stays kindling even as he strips from his trunks and pulls on his sweats, stripping from the damp shirt too before tossing it into the hamper. He barely chances a look at himself in the mirror before he passes back through the creaking door. 

The frustration that had once been there settles at what his eyes finally end up falling upon. At first he can’t see her through the dark, but once his eyes adjust to the dim light he’s able to focus more on the shape of her body lying in his bed. It’s a sight he’s seen a thousand times in so many different ways over the years, but for some reason this feels.. _. different _ . Almost sad. Her back was to him and she’s tucked against the wall, and when he’s made it to her in a few short strides, he doesn’t care to hesitate pulling back the covers and climbing in beside her, flicking off the lamp, and submerging them into darkness. 

He thinks about sliding closer, touching her, maybe— seeing if she’s still awake. He wouldn’t normally bother but he knows there’s something she isn’t telling him, and the frustration from before continues to ebb and flow when he can’t understand why he might even care knowing so much right now anyway. So he settles with rolling over, his back against her own, and stares out the window. The moon is a half crescent but it’s low in the sky, now beginning it’s descent into dawn.  _ Yeah _ , he thinks,  _ they’re not going to school tomorrow. _

Eren’s thoughts are interrupted when he feels the bed begin to shift and dip, and he feels Mikasa rolling over behind him. He holds his breath and waits—  _ what is she doing? _ — and then he feels her chest pressing up against his back, and her legs tucking into the dips of his knees. He swallows thickly and freezes, and he waits a few seconds to see if she’s just fallen back asleep. But her breathing is erratic and uneven, so he shifts, probably jostling her in the process as he rolls to face her. He wasn’t expecting her face to be so close but it hovers right in front of him, her lashes batting so close he can almost feel them against his own cheeks. 

They actually stay like that for a long moment, neither of them doing or saying anything. Not that there was anything to say— he wouldn’t know what to say— he never does when she surprises him like this. She’s just… staring at him;  _ studying him _ , maybe. And then he’s watching her inch closer to the point that her nose brushes against his own. He sucks in a breath through his teeth in surprise and swallows thickly, searching her eyes for what she might be thinking. “What are you doing?” It tumbles past his lips haphazardly and drips into the air that formed static between them. It fizzled the air, cracked it, bolts of electricity forming waves within the reach. 

He’s giving her the opportunity to call it now, to go back and just go to sleep. But his chest tightens and her pupils dilate and he _ absolutely knows _ that he’s fucked.

Mikasa lowers her eyes and he feels as if he can taste his own heartbeat. “... _ kissing you. _ ” Almost as if it was obvious. And then she doesn’t give him a chance to respond. Her face shifts closer and her lips are warm on his own before he has a chance to take a breath; before he can even register what’s happening. And he only pulls away after a moment because he has to look at her; he has to see what’s going on inside her head.

Out of the two of them, he’s surprised he’s at least trying to be the responsible one.

“ _ Mikasa _ …” he drags out her name like a warning; his lips are numb, his tongue like lead and he struggles to form the words that seem to be just barely out of reach for him. All he can do is watch the ebb of her eyes and the way they seem to stay locked onto his own once she pulls away. She knows what she’s doing—  _  she knows exactly what she’s doing _ — and yet he still doesn’t stop it.

“You’re sure?” He whispers it against her lips and he can taste her answer on his tongue when she responds by melting her lips with his own again. He’s slower— experimental at first— as if asking for permission. It’s deeper than last kiss— _ longer _ — her teeth slightly dragging along his bottom lip in response. Her hands reach out to gently grasp his face and that feeling alone makes his head fog. Her fingers are warm against his cheeks and on instinct he bucks forward, sliding one of his legs between her own and he can feel that she’s not wearing the pants he had given to her. 

Eren pulls away, their lips making a quiet _pop_ as he does so. He brings one of his hands up to gently grab at her cheek, pushing his hand back so as to weave his fingers into her hair. The buzzing in his bloodstream has really gotten the better of him when he looks at her one last time. He feels her quick, short breaths tickle his nose as his fingers curve around the back of her neck and he has to shift his weight so that his other hand can slide from beneath the pillow and grasp her other cheek. He follows gravity and the drawl of her mouth to his and she gives way to his weight and falls back, his own body following in an almost sort of earnest after her. 

He moves atop her, coaxing her knees open and falling between them. There’s a split second between them in that moment where he has to realize what they’re doing and the moment where he realizes that he thinks he’s okay with it. But in the next second when he lifts his head and their eyes lock, he’s not exactly sure what’s going to happen next. He’d almost forgotten how long it had been since he’s had her here in his bed like this, and he waits for her to push him away or scramble from beneath the sheets.  

They’re barely a breath apart and he searches her eyes for something— _ anything _ — but all she does is surprise them both by pulling him back down. He doesn’t get the chance to think about the way his heart was thudding and how he was almost painfully aware of his dick already beginning to strain against his pants because of the way her mouth was sliding against his own. He hadn’t even realized he’d closed his eyes until he feels her shift beneath him and draw her knees up to cradle his hips. It prompts him to unintentionally rock against her, squeeze his eyes shut and fight back the groan of pleasure from how good it feels to be here again. 

He rocks again, _ and again, _ and lets himself fall onto his elbows, his face lowering so that he can suckle at the sensitive skin beneath her jaw. It draws that sound from her lips that he can feel traveling up the column of her throat; it hums against his lips and drips into his ears, the sound of her delicious moan filling him with a sense of urgency with every touch— with the way his fingers tug desperately at the bottom of his shirt she’s wearing that falls just below her thighs. He can feel her warmth without even touching her. But he  _ wants _ to touch her, he wants  _ so badly  _ to touch her, to feel her skin, so he bunches the shirt between his fingers and shoves it up her stomach where his hand stops just below her breast, his fingers itching to touch every single part of her body now that he’s accepted it  _ and— _

“Eren—” he hadn’t realized he’d stopped then, just staring from above her and he sees the way her eyes are filled thick with desire, “—please,” she almost pleads, whines, voice lilting an octave. “ _ Please _ .”

_ God _ , he knew this was a bad idea. Yet it still doesn’t stop him. Instead, her plea only fuels his desire and urges his touches and braves the venture further up her shirt. And when his palm flattens against her breast and his other holds her hips still he has to keep her from arching into him.  _ She’s so fucking warm _ , and he can feel the pads of her fingertips pressing back against his abdominal muscles when his mouth dips back down to steal her lips once again.

Eren sucks almost greedily at her bottom lip before he’s granted entrance, his lips moving over hers easily and when she draws his tongue into the familiar warmth of her mouth, the heady taste that was all of her heats his blood. Her strokes are leisurely, almost sensual and he’s thrown back to the first times that he was able to discover these intimate parts of her and nostalgia suddenly claws at him. Soon he’s going to be hundreds of miles away with only these memories to hold onto. 

But he ignores his thoughts like he often tries to and moves his hand from her breast and down the curve of her hips, his fingers stopping at the edge of his shirt that barely covers her thighs. It’s dark but when he lifts his head he tries to find her eyes and she must already understand because in the next seconds her arms are raising above her, his fingers making quick work of the shirt and he’s able to quickly yank it from her body. She falls back against his pillows with a thud again and immediately he’s pulled back down to her lips. 

Mikasa is soft this time, her touch carrying a more gentle nature than before. Her hands nurture his face by cradling it and he can feel her fingers pressing deeper into his cheeks, snaking back around his neck and pulling at the hair there. Eren obliges by easily falling back atop her, her perked nipples brushing his chest and he groans into her mouth, his fingers itching to slowly snake down towards her swimsuit bottoms and she acquishes by lifting her hips almost eagerly. He’s able to slide them off and passed her ankles easily and he hears them just barely hit the wood of his floors before he’s searching out her eyes again. 

The Mikasa in his bed right now is one he struggles to place.  _ Has he ever seen that look in her eyes before? _ Something different haunts her features now— something he’s not so sure he’s seen flood her budding grey’s before. It was something like vulnerability— maybe fear. Something that perhaps has been holding her back because no matter how many times he’s touched her like this— this was different. It  _ felt _ different, whether she truly felt it herself or not— Eren definitely did. He felt it in the way she kissed him, in the way she held him and in the way she would  _ beg _ him just moments ago.

His eyes stay locked on to her own and when she blinks he swears he sees them waver.  _ Don’t think about it _ . Her chest inflates with a heavy breath and her gaze flickers to his chest and back up, her throat bobbing when she drags her lips between her teeth. Her back had been propped slightly and her knees close, crossing together, and he sees the nerves etched across her face, then. He’d all but forgotten he’d sat back on his knees and was now just staring at the way her naked body looked in his bed this time. 

Mikasa shifts, probably feeling scrutinized under his gaze and he shakes himself from that reverie, forcing his eyes to blink the dryness away. “You okay?” He’s the first to break the lingering silence, but she looked so absolutely terrified that if he didn’t ask right now, he was afraid he might regret it later. 

She only blinks her response, giving him a small nod. He takes a deep breath himself, afraid that the spell had worn off that was keeping them from confronting what they’d really been thinking; but Mikasa sits up on wobbly elbows, her eyes bleary but smoldering when her legs bow back apart. His body responds immediately by leaning back over her without really thinking, hovering close so much so that she now has to tilt her head back just to look at him. Her lips were swollen and puffy, her cheeks a softer rose and when he’s able to focus, he sees and feels her fingers trembling against his chest when she reaches up and curls them over his shoulders. 

One of his hands comes up from his side to cup her cheek, a thumb tracing her cheek and his jaw clenches at the tender touch that flutters her eyes to a close. “ _ Mikasa _ ,” he voices, and her eyes lift to his gaze. “I want you to look at me.”

And so she does— her eyes darker than he’s ever seen them and perhaps darker, even, than the thought’s he’s having inside his head at that moment. He doesn’t understand why he hadn’t felt this kind of remorse until now— why he hadn’t felt it so deep in his belly at how badly he’s wanted her in this way. Soft, fleshy fingertips. Rose tinted goggles swallowing his entire vision.  _ He was realy going to fucking miss her, and it really fucking sucked _ . He only wishes he’d thought about all of this before he already had her naked and trembling.

But it was too late, just like it always is for him and when he leans down, hovering just inches to where he could just barely feel her stuttered breathing, he pauses. He uses his hand on her cheek to tilt her chin up just barely and it brushes her nose against his, and his fingers claw at her jaw. Eren lets his thumb trace her bottom lip, the swell of it warm beneath the pad of his finger and her eyes flutter closed again. He uses the moment to study her face, and the way her hair hangs long in her eyes. The way her nostrils flare when she takes a deeper breath, or the way her knees tighten at his sides when he leans back down to close the distance.

This time he holds her a little tighter, his free hand roaming down her belly with feathered fingertips, dragging them along until he reaches the juncture of her thighs. She instinctively clenches, her legs holding his arms in a cage before their lips pull apart. He eyes her carefully and uses the hand on her cheek to balance him, his palm flattening on the mattress beside her head and his other rubbing softly at the inside of her thigh as he tries to coax her knees back apart. And when he drags his lips along her jaw and down her throat, he feels her start to relax again, her legs spreading enough for his hand to slip further down and his dick strains against his pants when he feels how wet she already is.

Mikasa’s hips buck slightly at first contact with her heat, his fingers spreading at her folds and slowly circling her clit.  _ “Ah—” _ he catches it fall from violet tinted lips, and he watches one of her hands raise between her breasts and to her mouth as if to quiet herself. A small grin finds his lips when she begins to ride his hand, undulating her hips, biting her rising cries against her thumb that he can practically feel against his cheek with how close their faces are. 

“Hey,” he coaxes her, nudging her nose with his own and swallowing his name on her lips. “Nobody’s home tonight.” She pulls her eyes up. “I want to hear you.” She bites her lip and there’s a fleeting moment where he remembers Armin is actually down in the basement, and hopes it doesn’t deter her. And it must not in this haze of lust because the moment he slips one finger, and then two back inside of her, her back arching into his chest and fingers digging half moon crescents into his shoulders, her head falls back with his name painted across her lips. It tumbles out in a whisper, her voice raspy with each stroke of that little bundle of nerves with his thumb. He lets his head fall to her shoulder and drags his teeth and he feels her thighs gripping his arm again as she begins to tremble beneath his touch. He focuses there, working with slow revolutions while her knees tighten and tighten, legs quaking and when he looks up her eyes are screwed shut, her fingers clawing at his back.  _ Stop stop stop, _ she insists but he won’t, not until she’s left writhing and panting, chest heaving with heavy breath abating. He doesn’t even have to look up to know what she looks like, with pink cheeks and bleary eyes— he already knows she’s spent and sated. 

He lifts his head when he feels soft fingers carding through the hair sticking to his forehead. Eren climbs back up her body and her hand falls to the sheets, her chin already tilted up to accept the kiss he sears her with. “Feel better?” It’s a soft chuckle, his voice deepening yet soft, and he presents it to the shell of her ear. He can feel her nod against his cheek with a heavy breath and he pulls away just enough to watch her eyes come into focus _ —  _ to watch her hands raise to his chest, her lithe, pale fingers snaking towards the waistband of his pants before timidly pulling at the strings as if asking for permission. Her eyes flit up and she leans up just enough to reach down and help him drag them down, her foot aiding in their descent to the floor once he can shake them from his ankles and when he’s free he leans up and pushes back her hair and kisses her. He’s soft at first, but then Mikasa’s tongue sweeps along his lower lip and he groans and allows her to explore his mouth, his hands taking the opportunity to grab at her hips almost eagerly.

“Wait _ —wait,” _ she pulls away breathless and when she looks up, her eyes waver as much as her voice. “Condom?”

Eren pulls away and turns his head away with a frustrated sigh because _ of fucking course he didn’t think about it. _ “Fuck.” He squeezes his eyes shut for only a second before pushing up and away from her and leaning over to the side to rummage through his night stand in hopes there was one  _ somewhere _ . And when his fingers find purchase on a foil square he swallows hard and literally  _ thanks God _ , yanking it out and slamming the drawer closed.

In the awkward tumble that follows, his fingers shake and he brings the pack to his lips and bites it, tearing it open quickly and throwing the empty packet aside, fumbling with the lubricated latex as he sits back on his heels again and rolls it slowly onto his cock. It’s another two deep breaths before the roiling in his belly begins again, his heart thudding recklessly against the hilt of his throat when he crawls back over to Mikasa, who’s moonlit eyes flutter between anxious lashes. “ _ Ah— _ Ready?” 

She nods, and reaches up to wind her arms around his back _. “Slow.” _

Eren braces his elbows on both sides of her face, one of his hands going and grasping at her right leg and hiking it up and around his hip. He watches her eyes squeeze shut and sees some of that same apprehension from their first time returning to her features. That sullen nostalgia flares again and for some reason he can’t keep this feeling from clawing at his lungs when he slowly eases into her, her tightening walls welcoming his intrusion with a broken sigh. He buries his face in her neck and thrusts the rest of the way in, holding her hips steady with a soft grunt tumbling from his lips from the unbelievable sensation of how tight she is. Her back arcs slightly and she seeks him out in the dark, her lips burning hotter than her fingers that scrape divots at his back as he builds a leisurely pace.

He snaps his hips a little harder, Mikasa’s palms flattening against his chest when he hitches her leg onto the crook of his elbow so he can deepen his thrusts, feeling like he could already lose any shred of control he may have had left. He lets his other hand snake down between them, her lips leaking mewls of approval when his fingers circle her clit once again and his name is drawn out in soft cries. His mouth claims what nothing else can, the bruising kisses between them achingly sweet as their bodies move in unison. She moves her hips with him, slow, languid, her hands sliding around his neck. Her head falls back against the pillows and her eyes screw shut and he whispers to her words of encouragement until they finally open again _ —  _ half lidded, sated, fluttering up to watch his face _.  _ Eren’s hand moves from hooked beneath her knee to resting against her cheek, a thumb darting out to swipe beneath her pinky blush, and he pauses. Their eyes stay locked together and he takes a breath, blinking once to make sure he’s really seeing her like this.

He opens his mouth to say something but decides against it, his eyes transfixed on the way her tongue darts out to wet her lips, and her hips undulate beneath him to get him to move.  _ “Eren,” _ it’s a whisper, but a plea, and he begins to move again. Slow, deep, her voice cracking on his name with each revolution of his fingers between them. She claws at his back and he can feel his own resolve crumbling, his own jaw clenching until he feels her walls flutter and seize at his cock, spurring on his own orgasm soon after that he feels tear through his belly. 

His face is hidden in her neck and his lips drop to her shoulder, ghosting soft kisses along her collarbone and throat before pulling away to look at her with abating breath. One of his hands balances him and the other goes to push her sweaty hair from her face. It clings to pink cheeks and puffy lips, matted strands tangling between his fingers as he pushes it away from her face. Mikasa’s chest heaves and he can still feel her nipples bushing his chest with each inhale, her eyes slowly blinking as he watches as some of the haze clears from them. In that moment he can’t resist dipping down and claiming her lips again, kissing her so harshly that he swears her lips are bruising when he finally pulls away again. Her eyes are glazed over when she looks back up at him, his own returning smile tinged with his own layered feelings that he can’t keep quiet.

“I’m sorry I’m an idiot,” he breathes, and her brow piques, her knees still drawn up to his hips when he pulls himself from her. He traces over that brow, now, with one of his thumbs. “I upset you with what I said about leaving. I shouldn’t have made you feel like that.” Her nervous eyes watch up at him carefully, tracing the lines of his face with wavering steels. She doesn’t offer a response, but reaches up with one of her hands and cradles his cheek. Eren sighs against her touch and allows his eyes to flutter closed, even if it was for just a fleeting moment. 

He coaxes her onto her side so they can recover, then, pulling her back with a strong arm against his chest. Her knees curl and he can feel her toes pressed cool against his shins. His hand ghosts backhandedly down the soft flesh of her arm and his fingers softly twist into her hair, tucking it behind her ear. He leisurely massages her scalp, his nose pressed to the top of her head and he inhales deeply, filling his lungs with roses and chlorine as they both regain their breath.

He almost thinks that maybe she’s fallen asleep at this point, her heart thudding evenly against the palm of his hand that he has wrapped around her.  _ “Mikasa…” _ It’s soft, quiet, almost completely silent. She shifts in his arms and rolls over to face him after a few moments of silence and her darker pewter irises instantly focus onto his own. His fingers find her cheek again but he’s softer this time, if at all possible, and draws her forehead to his lips with a sigh. “You know I’m not going anywhere forever.”

Her body freezes against his own but he stays holding onto her. “You know that,” he presses, and her face pulls into his chest and nuzzles against his throat. His fingers twine into her hair and scratches softly. It was so quiet now in this moment between them that you could hear the crickets returning their screams from earlier, but it doesn’t stop his eyes from lulling closed to the sound of her soft breathing. 

“I’ll come back home.”

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> send any requests to ackermansheart.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I get little ideas in my head and end up with these little blurbs in my notes. This is one of them. It's actually from ngl, maybe earlier in the year? last year maybe? I've been going through some stuff I've just drabbled over the past couple of months and decided what the heck, I'll post them. Some of them are pretty short but hopefully worth it.
> 
> Thanks again for reading <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this with no real thoughts about when it takes place but for the sake of angst, it can be before he disappears to go to Marley. We don't get to see any of what actually happens b/w all that in the manga so yeah. Or use your imagination. Canon era angst wins again

* * *

He doesn’t get her like this often.

 _Bare_ — her hair sprawled across his pillow. Hesitant fingertips reach out, unknowing of what the gesture might mean as he grazes her freshly pinked cheeks. But then again, he was never so sure what any of it meant — only that he wished it didn’t have to end in the first place.

He tries to soak it in— Mikasa’s body bathed in only the rosiest shreds of light that dares leak through the curtains. Her skin is pastel against juxtaposing tanned fingertips and for a moment— only a moment— he hesitates. She’s so soft despite how hard he’d always seen her— for how much she’d been through and how thick her skin really was.

That’s why his thumb smooths across the scar— his scar— and he sighs. It’s a pathetic sort of sound grown from pathetic sort of feelings. _How could he have been so naive?_

It’s a feeling that makes him sick looking at her. She still looked the same as always, only a little bit beaten; a little raw. Still beautiful— always beautiful. But worn — robbed of the years and youth that he could never give her back.

He only wishes he had more time with her; he wishes he knew how to tell her. It’s the kind of pain that lingers behind his eyes that throbs at the thought of losing her— only to know that he will in the end, one way or another. It made him feel almost... empty. If anything, anger was what was always threatening to spill over the edges but she was always there— always just a touch away from his calm. 

It’s only until moments like these that he realizes just how much she does for him— just how much she really means to him. It doesn’t make sense in his head but it make sense in his bed as she lies there tucked warm beneath those same tousled sheets. It makes sense when she’s calling his name, drawing moans from his lips and stealing his breath.

He’s not sure what it all means— he’s not sure he’ll ever get the chance. 

But this is how he says goodbye—

— tucked into him, her back pressed soft against his chest and he sighs and lets his fingers splay along her stomach tracing circles, his nose resting on the back of her head. On instinct he inhales deeply and instantly calms at the smell of her.

He wonders, then, just how long her smell will linger in his bed after she’s gone.

She stirs, then, and he holds his breath just in case. But she doesn’t move in his arms— she stays perfectly still albeit the gentle rise and fall of her chest against his lingering fingertips. 

She’s awake; he knows she’s awake. But he won’t acknowledge it and neither will she. They never do— it’s these moments they share in a silence that’s all too familiar to them. He’ll hold her, stroke her— grasps her so tightly as if it were the last time she’d ever be so sweet beneath his fingertips.

She would be gone again before he was awake, anyhow. 

And he would always be awake to watch her go, the bed dipping beneath the weight of her after she’s plucked his arm from around her in her efforts to escape. 

The thought always weighs heavy in his mind when he holds his breath, flutters his eyes and attempts to appear to be asleep. He knows it makes it easier on her when she can leave in her own sort of sullen silence. He does, however, get the briefest of moments to catch her, one eye open, slip from his grasp for the last time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is just a little parent!EM blip I drabbled in bed a few nights ago. if you’ve ever seen lolakasa’s art piece with the ‘didans’ you get me

“ _Mm_ — not right now.” Eren grumbles in his sleep, clutches the pillow under his head and throws it over top of him, blocking out all the sound and light. 

It does no good, because whatever force was out there was certainly one to be reckoned with, and when he finally tears the pillow away to dig his teeth into his ever nagging wake up call, he stills.

“Daddy! Monster daddy!” The boy perched on the edge on the bed rocks back on his knees, his hands perched in an attack position above his head. Wiggly fingers, brown locks falling into silver eyes. His son was on the offensive. 

“Daddy thinks it’s very early in the morning.” He bristles at the look in his eyes, and the way his lips pucker and eyes squint in a teasing way, anyhow. And just as those wiggly fingers wiggle right up to Eren’s chin, his son is suddenly swooped away and all that’s there is a mess of black. 

“You know daddy doesn’t like mornings, honey.” Mikasa’s voice coos next to him and he sits up, rubbing his eyes so he’s able to focus on the vision before him. 

Straight, but messy hair falls haphazardly over her shoulders, tumbling over her back when she tosses their son over her shoulder playfully. His little four year old legs kick mercilessly against his wife’s side.

Eren feels the laugh rumbling in his chest at the sight. At the obvious display of dramatics when the boy flails his body back just enough to tumble into the sheets with them. 

_ Hmph, spoiled brat _ , he thinks. 

But Mikasa tickles his sides and his sons giggles pierce the air and suddenly, he realizes, that he’s not spoiled— just loved. 

But definitely a little bit spoiled. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I put prompt requests out there on my tumblr (@ackermansheart) and this was 'meeting at a party whilst drunk au', it's a little shit b/c it was drafted fast but oh well

“—and then I was like ‘ _you can fight me if you want to but I’m gonna kick your ass’_.”

He has to stifle a laugh at the awful attempt at impressing a girl that this guy’s going through. Eren bends over to grab another beer from the cooler and then leans against the kitchen’s island, popping the tab as he watches the exchange unfold like an ugly car crash. 

The girl was cute; not that he was looking— not that he entirely cared. He doesn't have a lot of time to really look at her, and from this angle he can't catch her eyes. She has long black hair and thick bangs that, now that he looks, get stuck between long lashes when she rolls her eyes at the poor attempt at flirting this guy’s clearly trying to lay on and—

— _Oh shit_ , is he staring? His mind lagged a second too late because her eyes lock with his own from across the room, and when the said guy across from her throws his head back in a laugh, the mystery girl herself looks to Eren and rolls her eyes, subtly making a slashing throat gesture to herself. Eren has to bite a smile back and lifts the beer can to his mouth before he’s caught with a red face that he could already feel heating up.

By the time he’s finished with his drink a few minutes later, he’s devised a plan that he swears can work. He thinks.  _He hopes_. He honestly doesn’t know why he gives a fuck so much, but it’s something that’s tugging at him anyway and so his feet move before he can think, crumpling up the can he’d finished and tossing it in the trash before crossing the room.

The girl with the bangs doesn’t say anything when he approaches, and the guy in front of her grows quiet when he sees him near. Eren tries to plaster his realest smile before holding his hands out towards the girl, pleading with his eyes for her to go along.

“Oh my god, I thought that was you! It’s been—Jesus, forever!” he exclaims, and the girl blinks back quickly and he hopes it means she understands. He turns his attention back to the obscenely loud guy and says, “I’m sorry, you don’t mind, right?” 

The girl doesn’t argue against it. In fact, she doesn’t say anything, but he feels her jump slightly at the contact of his hand on her back as he leads her away. And he’s either really drunk or she’s leaning kinda into him as they walk.

Once they’ve finally moved around the corner and back into the hall, he removes his hand from her back and finds its home behind his neck. She takes a step in front of him and he tries to beat her to it. 

“Sorry, you looked like you needed rescuing.”

The girl releases a breath that he thinks she’s been holding for a long time, and laughs. “No,  _thank you, god._  I was looking for any excuse to get out of there.” Those same black bangs swoosh against her forehead and into those same long lashes as she slurs her words. It’s another two or three hiccups before she’s able to continue. “He’s so annoying. He’s my brother’s friend and he’s been— after me for— _um_ —half my life,” she rolls her eyes. 

“Oh! Sorry, my name’s Mikasa by the way,” the girl, Mikasa, juts out one of her hands without another question as she uses her other to lean her body against the hallway wall. Eren reaches a hand out to meet hers too when he’s jostled aside a bit by someone, and almost crushes his body into her own until he can regain his footing. And he definitely just stepped on her foot too, _yeah,_  because she yelps, and when he bends over to help stand her back up, he slams his forehead into the top of her head and grabs it immediately, angrily wrenching away while the alcohol and frustration ebb.

“Damnit, sorry!” he groans, and leans one hand against the wall beside her as the other holds his head. He can literally fuck anything up. Anything at all. “You good?” he slurs, and lifts his head enough to watch her nod. 

“Eren,” he mutters, then.

“What?”

“ _Eren_. It’s my name, don’t wear it out,” he manages a chuckle, but that turns into a groan when it radiates pain through his head and he grabs it again, pinching his nose between his thumb and forefinger.  _“Shit.”_

“You okay?” Mikasa asks, and her voice is so light and gentle he almost doesn’t hear her. 

“Yeah, uh, I’ll be fine,” he swallows, and moves to fully stand again. This time, he leans his shoulder against the wall next to her and crosses his legs so he doesn’t have a chance to be pushed again “You?” he asks. 

“Oh, no I’m fine. You hit the top of my head so—“ she sighs. “—anyway, thanks again for back there.” The girls face grows a shade pinker as she tugs a lip between her teeth. Deep blues keep him entranced until her lips are moving again. But _fuck, he definitely wasn’t listening_ , and was definitely staring at the shape of her lips and when he looks back down to what she’s holding out to him, he sees it’s her phone. 

“Put your number in?” And he smiles, and grabs the phone without even thinking because he definitely wasn’t going to let this pass. 

**Author's Note:**

> [can you tell I have a thing for naming stories off of song titles oops]


End file.
